was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
