He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
