I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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