He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
