Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
