this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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