Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
