The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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