WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
