R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
