mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
