fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize