Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
