I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
