Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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