Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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