I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
