My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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