i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
