Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
