just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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