Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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