She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
