well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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