he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
