i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
