well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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