dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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