Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
