I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
