I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
