ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
