those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
