dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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