she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
