I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
