Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
