I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
