I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
