Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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