I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
