he shaved USA in his pubs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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