grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just found a bag of teeth...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
