it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
