spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
