Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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