return my video game
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
