Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
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Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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