i don't like sucking hair
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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