And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
