We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
