you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
