My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF