Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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