We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?