All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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