The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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