Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
