He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
