I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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