Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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