I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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